How to get married in Uganda (Dating and Traditions)

Gifted by nature, Uganda is one of the most beautiful wedding destinations in the world and also the most ethnically diverse country globally. A typical Ugandan will speak at least 3 languages which to an extent also explains the increasing number of intercultural marriages on the Ugandan wedding scene. Additionally, as the largest and most hospitable refugee host country on the African continent, the marriage landscape gets even richer in diversity.  

This is the first of a three-part series to help you explore the Ugandan marriage landscape but also give you a glimpse into the social and cultural environments that govern it. But before we go anywhere, you must be above the legally recognized marriage age of 18 for any of the following to apply to you. 

Meeting, dating and courtship

In Uganda, dating is both personal and communal. Because of the vibrant social scene, you will meet  your sweetheart anywhere; from social media and dating apps to games and quiz nights; going on to the numerous school leagues like SMACK league or Kitovu league, at basketball, rugby or football league games. You could almost meet at the numerous festivals and social events like Blankets & Wines, night clubs, jazz and band nights etc. 

The list is endless. But as you would imagine for a strongly religious country, parents and relatives feel safer when they hear that you met at Church, Mosque or Temple. Occasionally, we do meet spouses at school (University especially), school get-togethers and workplaces. In other words, if you are looking for a spouse, don’t look too far from you but if you think that’s not working, simply tweak your location slightly, your mate is not always very far from you. 

Once you start dating (or become an item as we say), your relationship becomes a communal affair, from social media in-laws to church in-laws, to friends in law, even club in-laws, you have a whole list of ‘relationship stakeholders’ before you ever meet your real in-laws. That’s the Ugandan way, your relationship is everyone’s business; some to admire and celebrate, others to talk about while others to hate on and perhaps even try to break up. Ugandans will esteem and berate your person in equal measure. If you are foreign to the country, don’t be alarmed, Ugandans all so often wish you well.

Engagements and traditional ceremonies

Once you survive the busybodies and drama that comes with the relationship during the dating and courtship period and make it to your families, then you need to pick a notebook because you are now ready to receive a masterclass in wedding tradition. In most Ugandan cultures, the bride first prepares a visit for the groom in her parents’ home for the closest family members. It’s intended to introduce the groom-to-be to the family. More significantly though, it’s also intended to discuss such sticky things like brideprice and as Ugandans like to say to put the groom on a weighing scale and determine if he is heavy enough to carry his bride away. 

Haggling on brideprice is a skill in itself and for certain families, grooms even hire skilled negotiators to come out safer on the other side. If you survive that visit and the brideprice keeps your bank account open, then it’s time to prepare for the more elaborate ‘Introduction’ function. 

This is where the whole world gets to know who the girl has chosen to spend the rest of her life with because she hosts the groom’s family at her parents together with other invited guests, usually her friends, neighbours and relatives. Before that however, some grooms take a detour and organize a private engagement ceremony where you ask the girl to marry you. 

Whether she says yes though is not officially important because the traditional introduction function is the official engagement ceremony for the two of you. And many couples are sometimes caught offguard when asked to present the engagement ring especially if you did not have a wedding planner or Emcee help you with preparations. 

The Introduction ceremonies in Uganda are festivities to bask in, they combine wedding music, mostly traditional and local love songs with elaborate tradition and tribal banter that could leave you in stitches if you understand it. But most importantly, food and drinks are served, most cultures even prepare special meals that the groom and his team savours indoors away from the rest of the invited crowds. You will hear words like Kweranga, Kuhingira, Kwanjula, Nyom and foods like Luwombo, Kalo, Bbo and cakes designs in traditional colours among others. 

You will probably even hear Kingdom anthems you never heard before. Introduction ceremonies in Ugandan tradition are complete wedding ceremonies that revisit the original cultural practices around weddings practiced by our forefathers. They are recognized under Ugandan law as official marriages when registered with URSB. 

At the end of the introduction ceremony a groom is usually given the girl for keeps. The family officially releases her to his care and upkeep. But that is not the end of the marriage ceremony. In fact, it’s the start.  

Wedding meetings for collections

We made a distinction between traditional ceremonies above and weddings because in Uganda, the wedding isn’t complete without going to Church, Temple or Mosque. The traditionalists also have their own weddings different from the introduction above. That’s what you get for ethnic but also religious diversity. Before walking down that aisle however, you need to do things the communal Ugandan way, starting with what we call wedding meetings. 

Wedding meetings are intended for fundraising, advice and selecting those who will be in charge of the different activities or services being provided at the wedding but in all honesty, they are usually for catching up on old times and even for showing off sometimes. These are slowly being phased out though since COVID-19. Instead, people are opting to simply have a wedding launch where family and friends gather for a heads up on the wedding. Another meeting is held about a month to the wedding to update people on fundraising efforts and a few planning tips while the last meeting is held a day or two to the wedding for the wedding committee to organize themselves or where a wedding planner is in charge to brief the inner-circle about how the wedding day will run usually with the help of a wedding timeline.

When we return next time, we shall tell you all about the legal gymnastics surrounding the marriage ceremony, the types of marriages recognized in Uganda and why Ugandans still go to Churches and Mosques even after doing a traditional ceremony, which is a valid marriage under Ugandan law.

Reach us at planner@nyomplanet.com for any of your wedding planning needs around Uganda and East Africa.